Men are so polite, they only look at the other 10%.

/Clean Jokes/

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.

Men are so polite, they only look at the other 10%.

I have an EpiPen.

/Clean Jokes/

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me as he was dying.

It seemed very important to him that I have it.

We can cover more ground that way.”

/Clean Jokes/

My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”

I said, “Good idea – we can cover more ground that way.”

Guys, does it take to change a light bulb?

/Clean Jokes/

How many “friend zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won’t screw.

I shouted, “You’re kidding! Really?”

/Clean Jokes/

My Dad said to me, “Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted.”

I shouted, “You’re kidding! Really?”

He said, “Yes. Get your things together, they’re coming to pick you up in an hour.”

I asked my Mom if I was ugly.

/Clean Jokes/

I asked my Mom if I was ugly.

She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

/Clean Jokes/

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

/Clean Jokes/

The guy who invented Systane had his funeral today.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

What happens to a frog’s car

/Clean Jokes/

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

Threw a coconut at his face

/Clean Jokes/

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.