When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.
Men are so polite, they only look at the other 10%.
Clean Jokes
I have an EpiPen.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it.
We can cover more ground that way.”
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, “Good idea – we can cover more ground that way.”
Guys, does it take to change a light bulb?
How many “friend zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won’t screw.
I shouted, “You’re kidding! Really?”
My Dad said to me, “Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted.”
I shouted, “You’re kidding! Really?”
He said, “Yes. Get your things together, they’re coming to pick you up in an hour.”
I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
The guy who invented Systane had his funeral today.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
What happens to a frog’s car
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Threw a coconut at his face
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.